After the longest of times I had decided being a mom was not for me,station wagons and lunchboxes was just not my scene! I am a artist a free spirit,nobody can hold me down,or so i thought…and then I met Gareth,and everything just worked. Here is a guy i can snort in front of,have stray eyebrow hairs,feel completely at home (granted I am extremely jaded,but today i’m in love)
Gareth proposed and my heart was a flutter,Finally i get my fairy tale,a beautiful wedding ,a life filled with candle lit dinners ,and then two week later i pee’d on a stick!
great im pregnant!!! so i did the test 4 more times! there was no bluffing,i was indeed very much knocked up -__-
pregnancy sucked,it was in the middle of the longest cash draught of my life,i put on 20 kgs,i couldn’t afford creature comforts and entered a dire state of melancholy. Everything sucked,the pregnancy progressed,and i was told twice that my little “bun” in the oven was a girl,and to my horror i was presented a penis at my 4d scan!
ARE YOU SERIOUS?so not only is IT a baby its a stinky smelly gross boy too!!!SHATTERED!NO PINK,NO HELLO KITTY,NO CUPCAKES,NO GLITTER!(now for anyone who knows me,I am the quintessential “girly girl” i am a gay mans dream fag hag i literally poop shiny glittery stuff.)
March the 27th,2013, I waddled to my gynae/ob,for my 36 week checkup.Low and behold Dr(insert name here) says “oh shit you’re in labour you have to book yourself in”WHAT???? this is what being in labour feels like?but i feel fine?
so i sat around waiting for this first contraction,nothing,i was still 2cm dilated from the morning…why hadn’t my water broken?little did i know i was not in labour,Dr(insert name here) decided a a early induction was necessary (she was going on holiday as i found out later) at 7.30pm they hooked me up and induced me,i had no idea,if i had known tat this was not a normal practice i would’ve stayed home. 2cm to 10cm dilated n 20 mins,now natural labour is sore…but can you possibly fathom the cervix dilating that much so goddamn fast! It was torture,they broke my water,I had no pain meds,no time for natural endorphins to kick in,excruciating pain in seconds!i thought was dying,9.15 pm i shot out a Aaron in two pushes(and yes they come flying out!!) 2.56 kgs of instant love. HOOK LINE AND SINKER! i was a blubbering mess of adoration for this tiny
little man…my tiny little man<3
We were released from hospital the very next day,despite Aaron being slightly prem,and then disaster struck.On friday the 29th of March 2013,was the day I experienced true heartbreak.Aaron was rushed to icu,with a suspected heart abnormality,he had stopped breathing and the doctors said the outlook didnt look good.Aaron was sent to the NICU ward at King Albert Luthuli Hospital in Durban,KZN.
He had sepsis that had spread to his lungs causing pneumonia ,my tiny 2 day old boy was dying.His whole fragile body was poison,and there was nothing I could do.3weeks of ups and downs,on ventilators off ventilators,full life support then weaning,on adrenaline off adrenaline.This little kid,I didn’t even know had come into my world totally opened my eyes to everything beautiful it had to offer and now the doctors only words of comfort were to “pray”,who was I suppose to pray too?The very same “god” that wanted to take my baby away? nevertheless i prayed,i prayed and prayed and prayed until the tears dried up,until i honestly felt a hole in the very pits of my soul.I never knew hurt until he was here,I was taught true love,I was given my meaning for life.
Endless nights were spent pacing up and down hospital corridors at 3 in the morning,the silence killed me,every beep of the machines my baby boy was hooked onto to echoed into the night. I couldn’t give up,I wouldn’t give up! no god or doctor was taking this beam of sunshine away from me. Eventually one morning I went into the ward to visit my Aaron(I was allowed to see him every three hours),and his room was empty…My heart stopped,i still remember the silence the sound of my pulse slowly down,the rush of blood as each beat come to a halt. a nurse touched my arm,reality hit,”we have moved him to high care,the ward is down the hall” what?hes alive?he’s alive and improved? I got to hold him for the first time that morning, my baby had made it,he was alive!
Everything about Aaron has taught me to appreciate every moment we have ,every second,i adore him my precious precious little nuu
(now im not perfect) i love being a mom,i really really do,but i just wish I’d have had a easier go of it. Aaron will be 6 months next week,time flies,and it has been the happiest and saddest(and hardest )time of my life.BABIES ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED!and until you have a child you wont understand,it totally changes you,it makes everything make sense,it completes you,you learn how insignificant your silly little issues are,how insignificant your own life is,how “single people” are selfish prats,who your true friends are(and yes your “friends” disappear),the ability to juggle making dinner;bbm messaging;emailing;toe nail painting all .at the same time,really teaches you a lot about life,the universe and everything